Pure Crack
by Doomsought
Summary: Mt. Rushmore punches giant naked Rei in the face.


This is pure Crack

The AT field is quite simple in explanation: it is the domain, sometimes of space, where normal physics become meaningless and the magic of identity and willpower becomes dominant.

With this enlightenment, it should be no surprise that as soon as Giant naked Rei spread the Anti-AT field over the earth, she was punched in the face by Mt. Rushmore.

General Washington led an army to freedom from tyranny. Thomas Jefferson was a wise philosopher, and his ideals of liberty could never tolerate the illusion Lillith promised humanity. Abraham Lincoln led to the end of slavery in America, and he would oppose the slavery of the soul just as much. Theodore Roosevelt had enough willpower to stop the third impact on his own to oppose even Lillith's ultimate AT field. Thus when the outflow of soul energy inherent in the Third impact literally unleashed the ghosts of the past, Theodore Roosevelt decided to lead the others to renegade interrupt Lillith while using the American monument as a body.

Next, the Bismark and the Yamamoto rose from the depths and added their retorts to the conversation. Their ghostly crews were of unbroken spirit, unyielding even in the end.

But the forces of humanity were not unopposed, the Buddha warriors rose from Lillith's blood, ready to bring the rest of humanity to Nirvanna by force if necessary. The hungry spirits of Seele too harried the forces of independence, but Vlad the Impaler led the Turks to block their path, and Sitting Bull lead the Lakota in flanking maneuvers.

Alaxander the Great and the Spartans led an assault on the Buddhists while Mossad agents assassinated the whiccan defenders on the northern pass. Al Capone led ten thousand bootleggers, Yakuza and Mafioso up the southern highway. Spartacus led a charge besides Achilles and they were able to cut off Giant Naked Rei's small toe.

Thus started the what would forever be known as the Ultimate Battle of Ultimate Destiny, where the greatest examples of humanity united to kill a negligent god.

The heroes did not yet outnumber their foes though. For Stalin stood tall and lead the communists against all those who would refuse them ultimate equality under Lillith. Though he made the tactical mistake to send dole sucking Soccer fans against the Greeks with Kalashnikovs, they halted the advance. However Monty Python's Flying Cirrus somehow rallied the RAF. They struck down Putin with a 2000 lbs bovine, and exploding sheep broke up the Communist formations preventing a rout. The Red Barron dueled with Migs, while Zvika Greengold struck down the 72 meter tall Maitreya Buddha. The desert fox took the chance to prepare behind the Greek, and set up Big Bertha on the rail lines. The Texas Ranges rode in on the left, and the Mounties on the right to support Vlad.

It was then that the God-Machines entered the fray. Insane Yui in the form of the Jotun, Unit 1 struck at friend and foe alike, but then the sons of Odin entered the fight. The vikings revived Asuka's berserker spirit, and healed her Eva. The red unit 02 carried the Shield and axe of the north, and it's LCL was replaced with the blood of Asir. With a mighty war cry, strengthened by the faith of Valhalla, she struck Unit 01 with a mighty blow.

The Mass production EVAs descended upon the mighty battleships supporting Mt. Rushmore's dual with Lillith. In their savageness, one was struck in surprise by the ram of a Athenian Trireme. They turned to face high Admiral MacArthur, the last Shogun of Japan and Supreme Commander for the Allied Powers, leading every battleship, carrier, cruiser, destroyer, frigate, corvette, iron-clad, man-of-war, sloop, galley, junk, torpedo boat, trireme, longboat and war canoe ever fielded by the navies of man. Their moment of distraction proved fatal as Niel Armstrong struck down one of their number riding a Apollo Re-entry module strait through it's core. The willpower of the insane clone that made up the dummy-plug system could not hope to withstand a vehicle that embodied the hopes and dreams of an entire generation of humanity.

This is the spirit of humanity.

This is still pure crack

Mt. Rushmore grappled Lillith and turned her into incoming fire. She attempted to struggle to the right but George Washington headbutted her. The ultimate big gun, embodying the spirit of every boy and man who ever dreamed of a bigger boom stick, Big Bertha spoke. From the gaping wound poured forth the children of humanity from their imprisonment.

Mr. Rogers led them forth, through a hole in the Buddhist formations created by Sun Tzu. Mr. Rogers turned around, and cried a tear of infinite compassion and grief for what he saw. Protecting the rear of his formation were the child soldiers, from the savagery of post colonial Africa to the desperation of the Post Second Impact world, they fought to protect their peers. He hastened to bring the children out of the fray, but Unit 01 appeared over the hill. As Mt. Rushmore was maneuvering Lillith to face the naval artillery, Thomas Jefferson spotted the children's plight. A leg of of granite and legend slammed into the Yui's face, knocking the berserker ass over teakettle, then the Mountain turned back to its fight with the evil goddess. Asuka took the chance to amputate both legs, keeping the insane giant off the field long enough for Mr. Rogers to lead the children's escape.


End file.
